Pain of Being a Disappointment

 

A story I heard years ago about a man that committed suicide has stuck with me. I can't remember all of the details, but this man was in his thirties and was a husband and father. Everyone acknowledged that he had always struggled making a living, but those that knew him said that he was a good person and loved his family. The thing that haunted his friend and family--and what has stayed with me for these years--is a statement in a letter he left before he took his life. It said, "I am tired of being a disappointment."

 

The irony is that his greatest act of "being a disappointment" came when he made the choice to end his life.

 

I wonder how many people carry the same feeling? I wonder how many people contemplate suicide because of the same or similar feelings?

 

I know for a fact that many people carry this pain. I have worked for a drug rehab program and have pastored a church and have worked with many people down on their luck or are reaping the fruit of bad decisions. Feeling that they are a disappointment to others and letting family and friends down is a common emotion that many carry.

 

Where does feeling that you are a disappointment to others come from?

• It may come from the words or actions of others. They may have been told directly they are a disappointment.
• It probably means they are disappointed in themselves for not living up to their and other's expectations.
• It may come from unfulfilled hopes and dreams.
• It may be compounded by other issues like health or financial problems.
• It may reach its head if hope is lost.

How do you help someone that may feel like they are a disappointment?

 

First, they must know that your love for them is not dependent on what they do for you. Your love for them should outweigh any disappointment--real or imagined--that the person feels.

 

Second, empower them by giving them support. They may need a little help but don't want to ask or be a burden.

 

Third, shine a light on hope if hope seems to be fading in their lives. Hope is infectious. Hope is saying, "I know that it hurts now, but the pain will go away."

 

Never give up; Never give in; Trust in God always!

 

 

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The Pain of Having Nothing

 

Recently I watched a documentary about a college football player named Maurice. He was a naturally gifted player that everyone expected to go on to have a successful career in the NFL. Through a series of events--some of his own and some just unfortunate circumstances--he lost his college eligibility to play football. He wanted to join the NFL draft, but the rules at that time stated that he had to be three years removed from high school to enter the draft and he was only one year out. He had to wait two years for his chance. During those two years, he turned to alcohol and other bad behaviors. When he did get his chance to play professional football, he was not in well enough shape to make a very big impact.

 

The documentary described his motivation for desiring to succeed in football in college and then the pros. He said, "The pain of having nothing drove me." It has been a week since watching the documentary, but those words have stuck in my mind. There is a powerful lesson in those words.

 

First, there is an actual pain that accompanies 'having nothing'. I have been fortunate in life, but I have had periods in my life where I literally went to the store with $35 to by groceries for the next week. I have had to borrow money for gas so that I could get to work. Living in lack is painful especially when surrounded by people with plenty. There are hundreds of people around us each day that are experiencing the pain of having nothing.

 

Second, 'having nothing' gives people a sense of powerlessness. When people feel powerless, they can become resentful and angry, thy can feel depressed and suicidal, and these feelings can effect their behavior. I theorize that many mass and spree killings are in part due to feelings of powerlessness. My motivation in life is to see people gain more power in their lives so that they can live fulfilled and successful lives. Since 2009, I have been studying power and powerlessness. In 2014, I started a nonprofit organization (Dunamis Empowerment Foundation). The purpose of Dunamis is to promote the empowerment of others.

 

Third, having nothing either motivates or debilitates. I would love to say that feelings of powerlessness motivates a person to do better and pursue excellence, but from my perspective it often makes a person give up or turn to unlawful or immoral behaviors.

 

This is a social problem. When large segments of a society feels powerless, they turn to illegal acts to "get more stuff" and to "take power" the only way they know how. Some might say that economic redistribution is the answer. However, taking from those that have and giving it to those who do not have never works. It "angers" the haves and makes the "have nots" feel entitled to their resources.

 

The solution for the pain of having nothing is empowerment. We must empower others so that they can have the power they need to be successful.

 

This is the message that I want the world to hear. We must all empower others. Society depends upon empowering others and I believe that it is God's design that we empower others.

 

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How to Live With No Regrets

The last thing that we want is to look back over our lives and regret the way that we lived our lives. Bucket lists have become very popular. There are many things that we all would love to do and places that we would like to see, but there never seems to be enough time or money. However, our lives are much more than a collection of experiences. A recent Hospice report lists the five most common regrets from people who are dying.

They are:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

We are told to dream big, set goals, and succeed in life and many of us (especially males) are driven to do this. What is not always realized-and what the dying know-is that we often lose sight of what is really important and exchange what we aspire to for what is expected.

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

This is one of the most common regrets among men hospice patients. I am sure that these individuals would not suggest that working hard is not important, but my interpretation of this is that we need to balance our work with other important aspects of life. Men too often sacrifice spending time with their family for the sake of work. Let us not make this mistake.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

As I contemplate this regret, I am mindful of all of the people that have touched my life that probably don't know what they mean to me.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

The popularity of social media has made contacting friends and acquaintances from the past much easier; do not neglect this mean of staying in touch

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

I realized some time ago that happiness is a choice. Do not make the mistake of NOT choosing to be happy.

What is NOT listed is as revealing as what IS listed. Notice that specific places and experience do not seem as important to people coming close to the end of their lives.

It is often said that hind-site is 20/20. Looking back is always easier and clearer than looking forward and we cannot change our past, but we can influence our future.

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